Salmon or Sea Bass?
A friend sent me an e-mail a while back about a Nigerian article on why men cheat on their wives. The article centered on a discussion among five mutual friends in regards their marriages. The youngest of the men just turned 40, while the oldest was 50. The article goes on to elaborate about the difficulties each of them were having in their marital lives.
The article goes into how each of the men either had a girlfriend(s) outside of their marital homes or were planning on marrying these young ladies or "first generation university graduant" as one of the men put it. Anyway, the reasons each man gave for cheating on his wife varied from a lack of attention from his wife, a lazy wife that did not cook, a wife that ignored his emotional needs, a wife that showed no interest in what the man was doing, to a purely sexual affair.
It must be noted that none of the men have plans to divorce their wife. They were prepared, however, to battle it out with their wives if they ever found out. Anyway,...I thought the article was quite interesting and humorous at the same time, so I forwarded it on to a few female friends. As expected, cheating is a very sensitive subject matter, especially to the Nigerian woman. A compilation of their responses are as follows:
1. Men cheat because they lack self control and they are spoilt. (bottom line) They marry a salmon, they know that they are marrying a salmon, all of a sudden they want sea bass, mahi mahi, rockfish, halibut and the list goes on. They also go out looking and don't stop till they get another type of fish. For the most part they know they love their salmon, but they want a sea bass as well, and won't stop till they HAVE both. By nature women (well most, as women cheat too) don't have that problem, we just accept that we married a shark and deal.
2. Basically, the pressure is on a woman to keep her husband, since he lacks self control. She has to become a sea bass, a mahi mahi, a halibut (although she is a salmon) to please him since he (through no fault of hers) has decided that he wants another type of fish. Unfortunately, not all women have the uncanny ability to do so (i.e. be someone/something else). Some women stay EXACTLY as they are. They have no desire to improve or reinvent themselves. They are not forward thinking (which is ok). Unfortunately, this is just the way God made them and they have no desire to be anything else but the same boring Sade that Supo married. Unfortunately, Supo may decide that he cannot take boring Sade anymore. Albeit, she was boring when they married.
3. As the head of your house hold, it is unacceptable for your wife to be rude to you. (per the article) If she is, you, as a man need to check yourself. If your wife respects you, trust me, she will do what it takes to please you. Women need to feel protected, men need to be cow-tied to (i.e. feed his ego). If a woman does not feel you are holding your own as a man, she may become rude etc. Per the article, the man's solution is to cheat. I think that is a sign of weakness on the man's part. Since I can't handle my salmon, let me go and handle this halibut (who is too young to see my flaws) she may respect me. No doubt some women are just bad. This is why I say know what you are attaching to before you do so.
4. Men change (become worse) in the marriages too.....Women do not decide that they are going to cheat because of that. However, if a man losses his wealth and becomes a looser, if he married a woman that wants a lot in life, trust me, she will cheat.
5. Most men (people) get married due to pressure (no clue what they were getting married to....That my spouse "will do" attitude when really they are not satisfied). They never really look inside and ask (self) what they want from life and whether the person they are about to marry will fit what they want to be in life. If you are nice, is she nasty?, If you are fun and deary, is she boring and will not take risks? Are you getting what you want? This is why no matter how bad Bill Clinton is or can be....Hillary will never leave him. They are soul mates. Is Bill spoilt? Yes! He married for ambition and gets all else outside. He has always (even after 3 years of marriage) cheated on Hillary. She has always accepted it. He knows that. He knew that when he married her. His eyes were open.
The article goes into how each of the men either had a girlfriend(s) outside of their marital homes or were planning on marrying these young ladies or "first generation university graduant" as one of the men put it. Anyway, the reasons each man gave for cheating on his wife varied from a lack of attention from his wife, a lazy wife that did not cook, a wife that ignored his emotional needs, a wife that showed no interest in what the man was doing, to a purely sexual affair.
It must be noted that none of the men have plans to divorce their wife. They were prepared, however, to battle it out with their wives if they ever found out. Anyway,...I thought the article was quite interesting and humorous at the same time, so I forwarded it on to a few female friends. As expected, cheating is a very sensitive subject matter, especially to the Nigerian woman. A compilation of their responses are as follows:
1. Men cheat because they lack self control and they are spoilt. (bottom line) They marry a salmon, they know that they are marrying a salmon, all of a sudden they want sea bass, mahi mahi, rockfish, halibut and the list goes on. They also go out looking and don't stop till they get another type of fish. For the most part they know they love their salmon, but they want a sea bass as well, and won't stop till they HAVE both. By nature women (well most, as women cheat too) don't have that problem, we just accept that we married a shark and deal.
2. Basically, the pressure is on a woman to keep her husband, since he lacks self control. She has to become a sea bass, a mahi mahi, a halibut (although she is a salmon) to please him since he (through no fault of hers) has decided that he wants another type of fish. Unfortunately, not all women have the uncanny ability to do so (i.e. be someone/something else). Some women stay EXACTLY as they are. They have no desire to improve or reinvent themselves. They are not forward thinking (which is ok). Unfortunately, this is just the way God made them and they have no desire to be anything else but the same boring Sade that Supo married. Unfortunately, Supo may decide that he cannot take boring Sade anymore. Albeit, she was boring when they married.
3. As the head of your house hold, it is unacceptable for your wife to be rude to you. (per the article) If she is, you, as a man need to check yourself. If your wife respects you, trust me, she will do what it takes to please you. Women need to feel protected, men need to be cow-tied to (i.e. feed his ego). If a woman does not feel you are holding your own as a man, she may become rude etc. Per the article, the man's solution is to cheat. I think that is a sign of weakness on the man's part. Since I can't handle my salmon, let me go and handle this halibut (who is too young to see my flaws) she may respect me. No doubt some women are just bad. This is why I say know what you are attaching to before you do so.
4. Men change (become worse) in the marriages too.....Women do not decide that they are going to cheat because of that. However, if a man losses his wealth and becomes a looser, if he married a woman that wants a lot in life, trust me, she will cheat.
5. Most men (people) get married due to pressure (no clue what they were getting married to....That my spouse "will do" attitude when really they are not satisfied). They never really look inside and ask (self) what they want from life and whether the person they are about to marry will fit what they want to be in life. If you are nice, is she nasty?, If you are fun and deary, is she boring and will not take risks? Are you getting what you want? This is why no matter how bad Bill Clinton is or can be....Hillary will never leave him. They are soul mates. Is Bill spoilt? Yes! He married for ambition and gets all else outside. He has always (even after 3 years of marriage) cheated on Hillary. She has always accepted it. He knows that. He knew that when he married her. His eyes were open.
posted by Jide Onakoya at 2:41 PM
2 Comments:
Interesting piece and even more inetersting are the responses. But you haven't given us the pleasure of what "your" take is on why Nigerian men cheat. So what are your thoughts exactly?
i agree with Saymama, what is your take on why Nigerian men think?
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